I posted this image on my social page, and someone commented saying “This is going to take therapy”. Although in some cases this may be true, I strongly believe that you can self-heal without stepping inside a therapist’s office. I mean I did.
I want more people to understand what they can do to help with their healing process, whilst this may not work for everyone, it can definitely help. Therapists aren’t always an option for people. So, believe in yourself and you will be amazed at just how strong you can be.
One of the best “therapies” I had was a good support network. I am truly blessed with the people I have around me; they have listened to me cry about the same situation time and time again, never judging, just allowing me time to work through it. Being able to just express my pain, helped in a way I would have never imagined.
Of course, not everyone will always understand your situation, but since creating this blog I have discovered a massive community of people that have sadly lived similar experiences to me. So, if you ever feel like your support network don’t understand or if you can’t talk to them about your Narcissistic Abuse then join one of the many support networks on Facebook or follow similar accounts on Instagram. The support you get will shock you. I don’t think I would believe so much in self-healing without meeting some of these people.
Another huge evolution of my healing process was going no contact with my mother. I have been no contact with my mother for 2 years and 7 months now. Removing her from my life was one of the best decisions I ever made for my well-being. I never would have made it this far otherwise. If you have gone no contact with your Narc then pat yourself on the back! You should be proud of yourself. It is such a hard accomplishment to reach.
If you have tried to go no contact and have found yourself drawn back; don’t worry, I have done this myself so many times before I realised enough was enough. I’m sure many others have too. It doesn’t mean you aren’t strong at all. People’s processes just take longer. It took me 8 years of trying to go no contact to finally break free, I am sure some have succeeded quicker and some took longer.
Going no contact isn’t always an option though, everyone has different circumstances, so if you haven’t gone no contact don’t beat yourself up. Sometimes knowing how to manage a Narc will be what works for you. This is just what has driven me so please don’t feel like you must go no contact if you know deep down this isn’t what is right for you. Trust me you will know when you need to.
During my recovery, I realised that a lot of the decisions I made in life were based on me thinking “how would my mother react to this?” I was constantly trying to avoid doing things that I knew would send my mother into a Narcissistic Rage. I am still working through this part of my recovery; however, I am finally starting to make decisions for me, and not on how others will react. This is helping massively in finding my true self and I am achieving things I had never dreamed of.
Do something you love. I have been blessed to have travelled to some of the most beautiful places in the world. Being able to travel so much really helped my soul. I am most happy when I am basking in the sun taking in the most breath-taking views and exploring different cultures.
When I can’t be laying on a beach, I try to spend as much time as possible with the children in my life. I have none of my own yet, but I am lucky to have a lot of younger cousins and an amazing Godson. There is something about their pure innocence that takes you away from all the heartache. You can’t not be happy around a child; unless you are a Narc! So, this time with them has really healed the cracks in my soul.
Of course, I still have days where I am tempted to go back, for the sake of seeing my younger brother. We all have days where we are weaker than others; it’s natural. Then I remember the severe heartache I was put through and I recall why I went no contact and how strong I have become in doing so.
I knew I would come out of the other side a happier person, this is what helped me not to break. The narcissist you are escaping wants you to fail, so use that to enable everything in your power to succeed and prove them wrong.
I can admit that I used to be a very negative person. I was moulded by my mother into seeing the bad in every situation. I decided I need to turn all of that around to avoid becoming like her. I try to see the positive in every situation now. Sure, we are all human and will not always think in this way. However I strongly live by the law of attraction now, I honestly trust that what I think, I will attract. This way of thinking has literally changed my life.
Like I said, self-healing is not for everyone, but don’t knock it. You will be surprised how far you can come if you trust yourself. I never did but I wish I had sooner…