Early one Sunday morning I was woken up by my phone ringing. It was my sister. She never calls me; if my mother knew we were close she would try to get between us, so we only texted each other unless my mother wasn’t around.
I answered straight away, knowing something must be wrong. “Mum never came home last night…” I could hear the disappointment in my sister’s voice. “I’ll be round in the next hour” I told her as I jumped out of bed.
Now anyone else that had just received a call of this kind would be out of their mind with worry; I however was more angry. I had suspected for the last few months that my mother had been having an affair, I just didn’t have any proof until now.
By the time I got to my mother’s house she was already home. She opened the door and asked me why I was there and then shouted to my step father “we need to leave NOW!”
She was being really shifty and wouldn’t look at me. She knew that I was on to her so needed to get away from me as soon as she could. When they left my sister looked at me and said “I think she’s having an affair” I told my sister I had thought this for a while and I told her I would sort everything out.
We still needed solid proof, so we got my mothers laptop and as soon as we opened up the internet a confirmation page for Holiday Inn popped up. My sister burst into tears. We needed to know who this guy was, so we opened up her Facebook and discovered he was my step father’s friend.
My sister begged me not to say anything until her exams were over in 6 months. I knew it would be hard to hold this in for that long, but she had to live with my mother so I promised not to do anything until she wanted me to.
The next day I was at work when my sister messaged me “I can’t wait. My dad is breaking down, asking why mum doesn’t love him anymore” No matter how much this wasn’t affecting me; it was affecting my sister, she needed me.
I message my mother and ask her if she wanted to meet me for a drink after work. “Why?” she replied back. I told her that I needed to speak to her but she said unless I told her what it was about then she wasn’t coming. I couldn’t believe that as her daughter I couldn’t just tell my mother I needed to talk to about something and her drop everything to be there. It could have been about anything, what if I was in trouble? In hindsight though, now I know she’s a narcissist, it all makes sense. She doesn’t care about anyone but herself.
I told her if she wasn’t willing to meet me then I wasn’t going to discuss it with her and she just replied “OK”. Another day went by and I hadn’t heard from her. I was getting really annoyed now as she still didn’t know what I wanted to talk to her about.
I sent her another message telling her that it was really important that I spoke to her. She replied back saying “Look if you can’t tell me then I don’t want to know” I couldn’t believe this woman. I tried to make her feel bad by saying “Can’t a daughter want to talk to her mother without all these questions?” However she just replied with “Really?”
I was so done trying with this poor excuse of a mother, but my sister said things were getting really bad at home. So I decided that talking to my mother face to face was no longer an option and that I just had to tell her in a message.
Now at first, I had wanted to talk to my mother like grown ups and help her through this situation. Make her see the way she was doing things wasn’t the right, with there being kids involved I wanted her to make a decision on what she wanted. However her behaviour in the last few days had put a sour taste in my mouth and I no longer wanted to help her.
I told her that ignoring me was not going to excuse the fact that I knew she was having an affair. I told her I had no respect left for her and it was only a matter of time before the rest of her children felt the same.
I instantly got a reply from her saying “Respect? Ha! Like you or anyone in this house has any for me, I’ll just get on with my own thing. F**k the rest of you. How dare you talk to me this way. I’m sick of the way this family talks to me. You are all f**cked up.”
This was typical of my mother. She has been confronted about having an affair but now we are the ones that are in the wrong? Not one word of that message was anything but abuse towards everyone other than her. She always had to blame someone else. Whether it be my step father, my sister or myself.
We were going back and forth, with her throwing abuse at me. Telling me she has always known I’ve hated her and that I left for uni and never came back and it ruined everything. There was no reasoning with her. I wasn’t going to let her spoil my day. So I told her to just tell my step father the truth. She told me I was f**cked up in the head and that I will never see my youngest brother again; who was 6 years old at the time.
The next day she messaged me saying “I’ve told him now f**k off and leave us alone. I hope you are happy in your sad little life. He doesn’t want to talk to you, he thinks you’re sick. You have upset everyone once again”
I was fuming! I’ve upset everyone?! My mother has had an affair and I have upset everyone!? She always had to find a way to make everything my fault.
The next day I get a call from my step father asking if he could come over. When he got to my house he asked me what is going on with my mother and I. He said that she told him we fell out over money. I told him that wasn’t true and asked him what else she had told him. He admitted that she had told him about the affair and he started breaking down. When my reaction wasn’t shocked like he had clearly expected it to be, he stopped crying and said “you knew didn’t you” I explained to him that this was the reason why we had fallen out and he was just silent in disbelief while I filled him in on the argument with my mother.
He then asked me if I knew who my mother was having the affair with. I told him I wasn’t going to tell him anything but if he asks me a question I won’t lie to him. “Is it someone I know?” he mutters. I confirmed that it was and he starts reeling off all the names he thinks it could be. Not once did he mention the right person. He never expected it to be the one friend he had been confiding in about his relationship with my mother, the one friend that would invite him and my mother over on the weekends.
As soon as he realised I saw him break. It was like every last ounce of hope had been drained from his body. He was literally a broken man. It was heartbreaking to see, I cried and hugged him and told him we would all stand by him.
Over the next week my step father pretended that he didn’t know who my mother was having the affair with. He wanted to see if it really was over. I told him it was a bad idea to carry on this way as I was worried he would explode and do something stupid. However he insisted, to be honest I really didn’t care anymore. I just wanted to be able to see my brother. So I asked him to promise me he would arrange it so that I could see him. He told me for now he just needed to keep the peace but to be patient. I also made him promise that he wouldn’t let on to my mother that my sister knew anything. I didn’t want my mother to treat her the way she had me.
My step father tried to keep it together, yet every morning before I started work he would call me crying his eyes out. One day I didn’t hear from him, I called him to make sure he was okay and he was acting funny. I was getting really frustrated. He kept telling me he just needed to keep the peace so he couldn’t allow me to see my brother yet. He was playing happy families with my mother again and pretending like I didn’t exist just to keep her from flipping on him. He was extremely scared of my mother.
I was so done with him. I had put everything on the line to help him, yet I was the one sat here alone. Not able to see my brother. My sister having to live in what sounded like hell. And my mother out there telling the world how I had destroyed her family. And this wasn’t even the end of this messed up situation…