Finally, I could understand why my mother treated me the way she did. She is a Narcissist! I spent hours on end researching and I started to feel comfort in realising, it is not my fault.
If you don’t know what a Narcissistic Mother is, then let me explain.
Below are some of the most common traits:
- She will criticize you any opportunity she gets; even in the most subtle way. She will never tell you that you are doing well, instead she will tell you how good someone else is doing and ask why you can’t be more like them.
- There are NO boundaries when living with a Narcissitic mother; she will invade your privacy in ways you could never imagine. My mother hacked into my Facebook once to find stuff she could use against me in her next attack.
- She has her “favourites”, my mother always preferred the boys. From a very young age I became the scapegoat of the family. You know you are the scapegoat if you are always the one that gets the blame and if your mother bends the truth to make you look like the bad guy to everyone else.
- If she sees you on a high or knows you are about to go somewhere that you are excited about, she will pick a fight with you. She hates to see you happy.
- She will never admit the way she treats you. If you confront her and tell her the way her actions have made you feel, she’ll tell you that she doesn’t know what you are talking about.
- She will make you believe you are crazy. Did that really happen? Did I blow that out of proportion? Trust me when I tell you, you are NOT crazy, her behaviour is not okay!
- She is a very jealous person. If you get something nice or if someone does something nice for you; she will find a way to spoil it. I remember when I booked my first holiday to The Bahamas with my Best Friend, my mother picked a fight to try and ruin my excitement.
- Majority of things that come out of her mouth are lies. Lies are more obvious to you, but to other people she will pre-empt her lies so that she can’t be caught out. I remember my mother once told my aunt that she had been rushed into hospital to have her appendix out, just because she didn’t want to look after my younger cousin.
- She feeds off your pain. If something happens to upset you, she will twist the knife and make the pain 10 times worse. She is an “Emotional Vampire”. She loves to see you cry.
- She is extremely selfish. She always has to have her way. If things don’t go the way she wants them to then that “Narcissistic Rage” will come out. Her needs are always a priority, yet she will remind you everyday that you are the selfish one.
- You could NEVER give her constructive criticism. She will get extremely defensive and tell you that you never think she’s good enough.
- She is more childish than a 6 year old; she will hold a grudge for the longest time and will always be plotting how to get her own back.
- Her demands are bizarre. If she tells you to do something, you have to do it then and there. The amount of times I had to stop studying because she told me that I needed to do the washing up. Waiting 30minutes until I had mastered the formula I needed for my Maths exam the next day was never an option.
- She will “parentify” you at the first opportunity she gets. I was a mother of 2 by the age of 9, as I was expected to do everything for my 2 younger siblings. To the point that I would be falling asleep in class due to exhaustion. (When she did send me to school that is; but that is a story for another day).
- She will never accept when she is in the wrong. Don’t hold out for an apology, as you will never get one. Even when my mother was caught having an affair; that somehow turned into my fault.
My research into Narcissistic Mother’s continues, but what I have learnt so far has bought me great comfort in realising I am not alone.
I am almost 29 years old and up until 2 and a half years ago when I finally cut my mother off for good, I used to always wonder what I had done to make her hate me so much.
I tolerated her all these years for the sake of seeing my siblings, but one day something just clicked inside of me and I decided to remove her from my life completely.
There was only so much emotional abuse and heartache I could put up with. She was venomous. For my own sanity, there was no way I could continue to let her inflict so much pain on me.
I kept this pain in for a long time before opening up to the people closest to me, and they made me realise how strong I am. So now I feel like I need to raise awareness to all the people out there; who like me thought they are the only ones in this situation. To all the people out there who have said to me “but you only get one mother in life”. To all the people out there who have said “this is just her way, she still loves you”
I’ve learnt that I shouldn’t feel ashamed or embarrassed of my story. Instead I should be proud; for everything I have achieved in life, despite having an evil, manipulative, twisted woman who stood behind me for most of my life trying to break me down.
She has made me who I am today and this is my story…